The Lord keeps you safe from harm,
He protects, He shields. All the time.
Does He really?
Does He really...now?
The walls around me make me claustrophobic as they inch closer,
but I cannot see them though I can certainly feel their cold, unyielding touch.
It is pitch black and I cannot see light, let alone hope.
It's suffocating.
This wasn't my choice but it's my destiny ---
to forever be bonded to despair.
As the ocean struggles to make it to land, its efforts are futile and it remains in the abyss.
Such is my fate: devoid of choice like the ocean, trivial in its struggles, hopelessness is its belief.
God seems so far away...and so uncaring.
"Put your faith in Him", they said...
It is so difficult. So very difficult.
Every step seems insurmountable, every day seems like a battle.
I am weary.
Weary from the punches that life seems to throw.
I am not a fighter. Why am I being subjected to this?
The funny thing about life is...
it's not easy to give up.
Giving up on life....is not a passive choice.
Therein lies the irony of it.
I really need you God.
I want answers. I have so many questions...
Why? Why..me?
I am not a Job, nor a Moses, nor an Abraham.
I am me --- frail, weak, me.
You'd gave me so many promises...they seem so empty now.
I don't even know why I am holding on so tightly to them.
I don't want to be disappointed again.
I really don't...
Please...
Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil...
Be my shepherd. My rock. My shield.
I cannot do it on my own.
I am at the edge of a precipice, holding on with scarcely any strength left...
Don't break my faith. Not after what I've been through..
I can only rely on you.
